An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From  morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining  about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out  plowing with his old mule. He plowed a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again.  Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather  odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.  So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him  why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook  his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."  "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if  the mule was for sale."

On this day in the year 1978, Pope John Paul I is officially installed as 264th supreme pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church.

Unfortunately for the evil pricks that hand-picked him, John Paul turned out to be smarter and more principled than anyone could have guessed. Right away, he made it his goal to sever all ties between the notorious Sindona and Calvi families and the Vatican Bank, running him afoul of such avoid-at-all-costs organizations as P2, Opus Dei and the mafia.

He also made it clear that he would be using his Papal powers to revise the Church's stance on birth control, pissing off the ultra-conservative College of Cardinals. To people who knew what was going on at the time, John Paul's death - less than a month after his assumption of the Papacy - was no surprise.

Just keep on giving the Church your 15% tithe every Sunday, like a good little Catholic. You will surely go to Heaven when you die. (By the way the 15% is supposed to be on the gross income not the net income)  For the unintelligent that means you have to pay God's 15% vig before the Government gets theirs.

Another message aimed at deprogramming you.
Ed Roman

On my last flight to Las Vegas (February 17 2002) I had a itsy bitsy teenee weeny mini screwdriver in my briefcase, I have carried this around for about 15 years and it comes in handy about 3 times a week. The Stupid Nazi Moron at the airport security metal detector took it from me they claimed it was a weapon.  He kinda pissed me off a little,  In fact I felt like I wanted to reach right down in my briefcase grab one of the three highly sharpened pencils that were laying in plain sight and stab him directly in the eye with it. Maybe I could have bashed him over the head with my Laptop battery. I decided that it wasn't a good idea and I just kept quiet.  As I walked away, I wondered quietly to myself what he would have thought if I took the nylon cord from my Trade Show Badge Holder, and strangled him to death right on the spot.

I don't want to get off on a rant here...
But.......

Now I wasn't wearing a turban or anything,  I have red hair and blue eyes. I simply don't fit the profile of an airline terrorist. In fact I look a little like a Southern Fried Redneck Biker with Tatoos and long hair. You know, one of those people who stereotypically love our country,  America love it or leave it types.

My good friend Phil McArdle, Another country fried, cornpone eatin, fiddle playin, Nazi Hatin', Southern Rockin, red blooded Gun Totin' American sent me this little missive I have placed here for your reading enjoyment and perhaps amusement.

To ensure we never offend anyone - particularly fanatics intent on killing us airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will  continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots   with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the  President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips and veterans who have won the Medal of Honor and want to wear it on the plane.

Pause a moment and take the following test.

In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Norwegians from Ballard;
(b) Elvis;
(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women;
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A pizza delivery boy;
(b) Crazed feminists screeching that being able to throw a grenade beyond its own burst radius was an unfair and sexist requirement in basic training;
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day;
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in "Godfather 2;"
(b) The Tooth Fairy;
(c) Butch and Sundance who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from the train thing;
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1998, The U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr.Rogers;
(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wee Willie's women problems;
(c) the WWF, to promote its next villain: "Mustapha the Merciless;"
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

On 9/11/01, Four airliners were hijacked and destroyed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny,
(b) the Supreme Court of Florida trying to outdo their attempted hijacking of the 2000 Presidential election;
(c) Mr. Bean;
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

On 9/11/01, The World Trade Center is destroyed, Thousands of people killed the Pentagon is attacked by:
(a) A crazed group of Revolutionary War recreationers, who were upset that they had to register their black powder rifles
(b) Marilyn Manson, in yet another a publicity stunt to bring more attention to his newest song.
(c) The Oakland Chapter of the Hell's Angels Motorcycle Club
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
 

Hmmmmm............. nope, ain't no patterns here.